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Feb 16, 2010 by Lee Hart

Critical analysis of the Opening Ceremonies

 

Did you hear the one about the three old farm writers, who
along with their wives, got together to watch the opening ceremonies of the
Vancouver Olympics, last Friday? We’re still trying to figure out how they got
those whales into the stadium, and all going in the same direction.

You can just imagine the depth of the commentary as these
past and present scribes for Country Guide, Canadian Cattleman Magazine, and
Grainews, with a combined 313 years of writing experience, got together to
watch the opening ceremonies on the host’s new 85 inch, Samsung, High
Definition TV set.

Once we figured out which remote actually turns the thing
on, we were good to go. And it was a great opening ceremony. Very impressive.
Of course at our age anything with bright lights, that is on TV before 10 pm,
is entertaining.

Here are a few of the observations:

       Boy,
there sure is a big Indian (Aboriginal Canadian) presence at the opening
ceremonies

       What
are those four tall pillars they raised from under the floor? Are they real
ice? Are they totem poles? They look like culverts.

Light-flame-OLY2010021223.2-200x218.jpg

       Where
is Andorra? I don’t think I’ve every heard of it.

       Where
is Kyrgyzstan? No wonder the former USSR is in trouble – they made just about
every street of the old republic into a new country.

       Great
to see the Canadian Olympic team on parade. Flag bearer, Clara Hughes, seems
like a really nice kid.

       Boy,
those native dancers are still dancing. They’ll be tired tomorrow.

       Wow,
Nellie Furtado’s tight blue dress left nothing to the imagination. General
consensus it made her butt look big.

       That
was neat to see the images of those whales swimming across the floor of the
stadium.

       They
could have left out the segment with the ballet. Does anyone need another
drink? Want to see how we can change the size of the picture on this new TV?
Which remote do we use?

       It’s
amazing what they can do with lights and a few thousand meters of window
sheers.

       Do
1000 fiddlers really define Canadian culture?

       Although
she short of stuck it to the beef industry, k.d. Lang, was the highlight of the
show with her performance. Obviously going vegetarian isn’t the key to weight
loss.

       Governor
General Michaëlle Jean is a neat lady. Who is that old guy sitting beside her?

       Prime
Minister Stephen Harper has turned on his robotic arm to wave at the athletes.

       Who
knew that Lloyd Robertson is 76-years-old? I think he covered the first
Olympics in 776 B.C.  

       Speeches
were good. Not too much French that was nice. (Not too many anglo-rednecks at
this dinner party).

       Good
to see Betty Fox carrying in the flag. And there’s Anne Murray. Is Donald
Sutherland really Canadian?  Maybe
it should have been Tommy Douglas, but Donald Sutherland…?

       Barbara
Ann Scott doesn’t look any different now than she did when she skated in 1948.
(Which we all remember – fortunately NOT).

       Canadian
opera star Measha Brueggergosman, with a three-foot diameter afro hair style,
sure has a powerful voice. Does anyone need another drink? Wonder what her hair
looks like when she gets up in the morning?

       Who’s
going to light the flame? Don Cherry, Ben Mulroney, what about Steve Fonyo?
Poor Steve. He should be allowed to keep his Order of Canada.

       And
Wayne Gretzky gets to light the torch. Guess that was a good choice. Very
honorable man who so far hasn’t run into any problems like Tiger Woods. He’s
probably the only one who could handle the 10 minute ride in the back of the
truck, in the pouring rain, to light the caldron by the waterfront.

       A
good show. Very big production. Well done. A promise from the host that we’ll
all be invited back for the next Olympics and he’ll have the remotes figured
out by then.

Let the Games begin.

 

-30-

 

 

 


Lee Hart

Lee Hart


Lee Hart is a long-time farm writer, and honorary member of the Alberta Institute of Agrologists, with many observations on the agriculture industry, who never hesitates to admit he is wrong (should that ever happen.)


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